Ash and the Adventure of the Mysterious Green Stuff
Entry 1, 6:58 A.M.:
I am so excited to be writing for this blog! My last servants “owners” didn’t have a blog. Lame!
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself a little bit. My name is Ash, and today is the first day I and my brother Brock are spending in our new home! I love exploring, and I can’t wait to see what we discover today!
Entry 2, 10:18 A.M.:
So far, there has been a lot to explore. There is so much room, and there is another guinea pig here, whose name is Willow! Unfortunately, my adventures will have to pause for a bit. Our new owners (I think they call themselves “humans” and “fosters” – whatever that means) are insisting on putting us on their laps. All we do is sit there while they pet us. I don’t get how Brock likes it; I think it is the most boring thing ever!
Entry 3, 11:04 A.M.:
What is this? Is it a test? Is it poison? Are the humans trying to kill us?
The humans just put this weird stuff outside our huts. Some of it is big and green, and there are some pieces of orange stuff here too. I don’t know what it is, but it can’t be good. Sure, it smells great, but that’s just part of the trap! I can’t believe the humans actually think we would be stupid enough to eat it; everybody knows that only pellets are food.
They keep calling it “lettuce” (whatever that means) and insisting it is tasty. Lettuce?? Pah! Sounds like sorcery to me! I won’t fall for it!
Entry 4, 1:12 P.M.:
It is with a heavy heart that I announce the loss of our beloved companion Willow; he was too young! (Actually, I don’t know how old he is.)
My brother Brock and I are preparing for poor Willow’s funeral. You see, the silly guinea pig did the unthinkable: he ate the mysterious green stuff. He seems fine and happy now, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the poison sets in. Brock and I will do what we can for him; he shall have a proper burial in the ancient guinea pig tradition.
Entry 5, 2:43 P.M.:
Et tu, Brock?? Betrayal!
He is trying to pretend nothing happened, but I totally saw Brock take a nibble of the lettuce. How could he?!?! I guess I may soon be the only one left…
Entry 6, 3:41 P.M.:
Lettuce, you deceiving temptress!
Her wily ways finally wore me down. I just couldn’t resist; I felt myself drawn toward the lettuce and just had to try a nibble. Goodbye, world!
Entry 7, 3:58 P.M.:
Oh my God! You guys won’t believe this amazing discovery I made! You know that evil poison lettuce stuff? Well, it turns out that it isn’t half bad. In fact, it’s delicious! I still feel fine, and Willow and Brock haven’t keeled over yet, so I think this stuff is safe after all. It is way tastier than pellets. Who knew that there was food other than pellets? I’m just going to eat this lettuce stuff from now on! I must spread the word to the guinea pig community about this revelation.
Hey, you know what? Maybe everything is food! Did you guys ever think of that? I’m going to try to eat everything now; you never know what other discoveries are out there!
Entry 8, 5:11 P.M.:
Uhh…note to self: it turns out humans are not food. And apparently they don’t like it very much when you try to eat their fingers. Oops.
Entry 9, 7:47 P.M.:
Well, that was an emotional day. I think I’m going to take a leaf (of lettuce!) out of Willow’s book, plop down, and go to sleep. Can’t wait for tomorrow, and thanks for reading, guys!